Adam Bennett

It started in February or March 2002 when I started to get double vision and bad headaches. At the time I thought nothing of it but it gradually got worse, after a few months I went to get my eyes checked at an optician. They then refered me to southend hospital for a brain scan. They sent me home and told me that I would get the results the following day. When I returned the next day, that is when they told me that I had a small lesion in my brain. At the time I didnt know how to take it, I didnt know what to think, I kept asking myself what would happen to me, if I was going to be alright, but the main thing I was asking myself was 'WHY ME', I remember walking out of the hospital, emotional, just asking my parents 'WHY', thats the only question I wanted to be answered but its the only one that couldnt.

When I returned home I felt lost, not knowing what to do or say I just sat down and shut myself out from the world for a few minutes. It still wasn't kicking in, I didnt understand how a fit and healthy 16 year old had this or could get this.

My mum was on the phone pretty much as soon as we got home trying to find out about my illness, ringing doctors and hospitals, trying to find the best possible treatment, doctor and place to get this done. After hours of ringing around we found a doctor which we were satisfied could get the job done.

As soon as the family found out they were all very shocked and weres extremely supportive from the word go, they all came round to offer there support. They were also interested to find out about what I had, and got books and researched on the net to find out more. Whilst researching my aunt found out that a big actor off of the tv, also had suffered from abrain tumour and had succesfully beaten it. This made me want to find more about this certain character so I read parts of their book explaining about their illness, I found this helpful reading about there story. It gave me the bilief that I could do it aswel. Ever since I found out about this person it has made me look at them in a different way, just knowing what they had to go through. 

Within the last 24 hours, my life had been turned upside down, it felt as if life had a new meaning, everything I woke up feeling that morning had gone, everything I needed to do had changed, I felt I was a different person. I didnt know what the future held apart from treatment, which at the time I couldnt get over, after hearing all the stories of how ill it makes you. I had to prepare myself though as I was going to start a six week course of radiotherapy the following week at the Cromwell Hospital in london.

At the start of the treatment I was still coming to terms with it, I still didnt fully understand what I had, what it intailed, where it was, the size of it, the sucess rate of the treatment that I was going through, there were many things that I felt in the dark about, that I wanted to know, but didnt want to ask incase I didnt like the result, so I just got on with it head first and I suppose I took it as it come. Everyday I told myself that that the tumour was getting smaller and that with every second of treatment the tumour was slowly going.

My parents wouldnt let me bilieve that there was only one method of treatment so therefore radiotherapy wasnt the only treatment I had. They (my parents) had found out or heard of people that had been through different cancers and found that there was a certain reikI healing which is meant to be very affective. So I soon tried this and found that it had a strange affect on my body, I was told to sit down whilst the healer slowly went around me, placing his hands about 5cm off of my body. He concentrated all over for about 45 minutes, then slowly told me to stand up, close my eyes and stand straight. When I attempted this I felt weak at the knees and collapsed, when I came around a few seconds later, I found myself being sick and feeling dizzy. I was slightly concerned but was reassured by the healer that this could well be a good sign that my body is getting rid of the bad chemicals. I took about an hour and I felt fine so I took it as being a good sign and just carried on with the day. I went through this healing another 2 or 3 times before the end of my treatment. It wasnt the only type of healing I chose to go through though, I also went through a healing church which is along the same lines as reiki, but the healing is passed through the powers of god, and is performed in a healing church.

The first few weeks I was feeling ok, I was just building myself up for the thought of losing my hair, which they said the side affect of the treatment would be, which they said wouldnt be that dramatic because of where they were treating, which was above both ears on the sides of my head. Overall I didnt lose hardly any hair because I refused to cut it anyway, so I was quite pleased about that aspect of the treatment. 

I couldnt handle the daily sickness, which kicked in roughly about halfway through, it couldnt of helped that I was getting a 2 hour car journey there everyday apart from weekends, throughout the 6 weeks. The full force of treatment probably kicked in about the fourth week and this is when I felt at my worst, feeling sick and tired most of the day, this lasting through until a few weeks after the treatment ended.

After I had recovered from the treatment it was just a matter of wait and hope for the best, and just to try and get on with my life, so thats what I did, I started to become myself again, just going out with my mates leading a normal life.

When it came to the time when I had to get my results I had pretty much told myself that there wouldnt be anything there, this is what I wanted to bilieve, so I did, and when the doctor said that he couldnt see anything visible, I didnt know what to do or what to feel, I didnt know if he meant it was gone or not, but I knew it was good and was pleased and went out smiling.

As soon as we got home my mum was on the the phone to the family telling them the good news, which took a a fair amount of time as I have a rather large family. They were all just as shocked and surprised as I was.

The symptoms for my second brain tumour started the day that I went go karting on my brothers birthday (June 1st) this year. It was on the way back from go-karting that I started to feel sick, and eventually was, I really didnt feel good, and was sick again when arriving home. My condition didnt better, so my parents took me to Oldchurch hospital, where I stayed for a couple of hours whilst they watched over me, taking blood tests and trying to relieve the sickness. Once they were satisfied that I was on the mend they said it was ok for me to go home. 

A week after returning home and feeling alot better than the week before I started to feel ill again and hed to returnt to Oldchurch hospital, where they did the same tests and gave me the same medicine as the week before. I again stayed there for another couple of hours, then was told I was ok to return home. 

Another couple of days later and my condition got worse again, I noticed that my double vision was very poor compared to what it was before, so after informing my parents, I had another eye test booked up the following day where they noticed that there was some physical strain behind my eyes, and recomended me for another scan the following day. 

I knew there was something wrong, I could tell this was happening for a reason, anyway I went for the scan, and I didnt feel to good, I had trouble keeping my tablets down(steroids) which was for the inflamation of my brain, which was obviously what the optician had noticed ealier that week. I was really ill and when leaving the hospital needed to be escorted to the car resting on my dads shoulder. My mum refused to take me home in this state, went back in and got the doctor to come and have a look at me. He was very concerned of the state I was in and immidietely booked me into the Portland Hospital, where the doctors were asking me all of these simple questions, like where I was, and I knew the answer, I just couldnt say it. I remember them asking me what my brothers name was, I didnt even know that. The doctors were extemely concerned and put me on the highest dose of steroids possible, which slowly began to take affect later that night, making me more aware of the environment and the people around me.

The next morning the doctor came to check on my progress and checked me in for an MRI scan, later that day, not far from where I was staying. After having the scan, he told us that there was another brain tumour in a different place, which to be honest didnt come as much of a suprise. I didnt have much of a reaction, I didnt have anything to ask or say, I knew that I would need treatment, and guess I just wanted it to all start. The doctor explained that it was in a different position to the first one, so therefore I could have another course of radiotherapy, but he also wanted to give me cheomotherapy aswell. The thought of having cheaomotherapy shook me up a bit because I heard that it makes you really ill, worse than radiotherapy.

I stayed in the Portland hospital for 4 days, and had my first dose of cheomotherapy whilst staying there. It was a very nice hospital, the doctors and nurses were very caring, and it wasnt as if you couldnt go out at all either. I just jumped in my wheelchair, when my family was there and we went to Regent Street Zoo, which was only a 5-10 minute walk around the corner. I managed to get out quite a bit, even if it was just round the shops to get some fresh air.

After my time was up in the Portland Hospital, I was transfered to the Cromwell Hospital where my treatment was to take place. This was and is to be my home for the next 6 weeks, apart from weekends, and I have to say its not all that bad, im only in the hospital for about 45 minutes of treatment a day, then im free to do what I want, and its quite handy there being loads of shops nearby. The day seems to go very fast, so its not all that bad staying in hospital, on the whole.

Adam Bennett (Written July/August 2003)